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| Thursday, March 13, 2008 |
| I'm a bad person |
I didn't really care too much about Client #9, Governor Spitzer, who was busted recently by his own laws for being a high-paying john.
Until I found out he was a superdelegate who'd vouched for Clinton.
Looks like Clinton has one less, now!Labels: Obama, politics, sex |
posted by Steve @ 1:27 AM  |
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| Monday, December 03, 2007 |
| Things that really are awesome |
Most third graders are familiar with what I'll call shopper's ennui: the sense that what you bought can't possibly live up to the fantastic ideal that it's been built up to.
I realized this when as a twelve-year-old boy, I convinced my Dad to buy a $60 (that's six-zero point zero zero dollars, people) remote control car. It was fast, had a pair of tracks instead of wheels, and lasted for exactly fifteen minutes per five-hour charge.
Trouble with that being, of course, that I could use it at most twice a day, since I couldn't see it at night.
I did enjoy that little remote control car enough to remember it a decade and a half later. I also remember that it took me about three weeks to get sick of waiting for the damn thing to charge. It was effectively destroyed within a few months from pretty reckless (though awesome) driving, most of which involved making ramps and launching it in ways that one day, God willing, I'll do with my Volkswagen.
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Anyway, the reason I bring up the remote control car is that it was, for about a year, the Thing I Coveted Most. A few years later, it relinquished that title to kissing and/or sex with girls, but at the time I recognized the feeling and the risk: few things are as good as you think they'll be. I figured kissing and sex would be an exception, but even then I correctly came to the conclusion that buyer's ennui was a real thing.
So in light of the holiday season ramping up its machine, here's a list of things that I bought that were every last bit as awesome as I had hoped they might be:
1. Dating and marrying Rachel. We have our dumb moments, usually caused by myopia or general illness, but I really can't imagine being really happy with anyone else because there is literally nothing I would really want to change. Not even the things that irritate me; those are usually the only things that keep me improving as a person.
2. My VW Beetle. Sure, it has had more repair problems than Chernobyl, but it's every last bit as rewarding as I think having a car can be. I suppose you can say that how awesome something is has little to do with how perfect, practical, or popular it is.
3. The Ampeg 8x10" bass amp I bought. I can feel my brain vibrating uncomfortably when I turn the Gallien-Krueger head past the "5" on the volume dial. It is wonderful being able to play a note that is remorsefully gentle and understated ...and still be 110 dB.
4. My Black & Decker power drill. An odd thing for this list, but it was so amazingly useful when we were pretty much building everything in our apartment, had ridiculously-long battery life and just did things it shouldn't have been able to for longer than I had a right to ask of it.
5. Radiohead's OK Computer, which I bought when it came out without knowing anything about the band, at all. I just liked the cover art a lot. Few things in the history of mankind have exceeded expectations like that purchase. U2's Achtung Baby also ended up being my favorite album, but the magnitude of the difference between expectation and reality were what set OK Computer apart.
6. My trip to Tokyo in 2001 with my family. It went about as well as any family trip can possibly go. We had fun, I slept very little, had about fifteen million great memories, and took some amazing pictures to help reminisce, which in turn really got me into becoming a photographer.
7. The book U2 at the End of the World, which I read at the height of my U2philism, was about as good a rock bio as has ever been written. I remember finding it in the Phoenix Main Library, and thinking, "there's no way this is going to be better than I hope it's going to be" -- but it was. You should read it. There's a part about a giant snake and hookers in Tokyo.Labels: holidays, life, money, photography, sex, shopping, Tokyo |
| posted by Steve @ 9:56 PM |
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| Monday, August 27, 2007 |
| Gay Old Party |
I swear there's more homos per capita in the Republican Party than there are in the general public.
Actually, I put this question to a good friend of mine whose friends may be able to figure this out, which would be awesome.
Anyway, so this Senator Larry Craig spends his time in the Senate doing what he thinks is right for Idaho, including: voting to prohibit marriage between members of the same sex in federal law, voting to abolish a program that helps businesses owned by women or minorities compete for federally funded transportation, voting to prohibit job discrimination based on sexual orientation, voting to keep the definition of hate crimes to exclude gender, sexual orientation and disability, and supporting for amending the constitution to ban same-sex marriage.
We'll give ol' Larry points for consistency, at least, though the ACLU doesn't like him (he has a 25% 'civil rights rating').
Anyway, so a little while ago, an undercover cop is sitting on the john in an airport because apparently a lot of 'lewd behavior' was happening there. I don't like trying to go to the bathroom in an airport while two people are humping in the next stall, so I'm fine with that, my stances of pro-civil rights for gays be damned.
And the Esteemed Senator stares at the cop for a while through the crack in the door, making weird hand movements ('fidgeting' is the word that's used). After a few minutes of this (must've felt like hours to that cop), he gets into the next stall. He puts his rolling case at the door.
According to the cop, this is standard procedure as the case will keep people from seeing said lewdness: "My experience has shown that individuals engaging in lewd conduct use their bags to block the view from the front of their stall". I read that and think, "there is a procedure for getting man ass in a stall?"
Now, I understand the need for this kind of procedure. Proposition the wrong guy and he might just start attacking you. I just didn't know it was this well-established. I would also like to say, though, that if you're gay, don't pick up people like this. There's a basic, basic problem: you can't see much of them before you start making moves. Careless, borderline-anonymous sex is hardly unique to homosexual culture - I was a DJ in a bar, I saw it every night. I guess part of the appeal is that it's totally insane, but -- I'd expect better from a 62-year-old hard-right conservative Senator.
The Esteemed Senator (the cop had no idea who he was at this point) starts tapping his toes loudly. This is apparently a signal for engaging in said 'lewdness,' and I can back the cop up on this because I've used some public restrooms and I assure you that a men's room in the United States is quieter than a morgue (other than the inevitable sounds, and those are cause for extreme awkwardness). Talking, socializing, humming and anything but a grunt (which is also an inevitable sound) is just not acceptable.
So a dude in the next stall tapping like Fred Astaire is going to weird me and any other normal, heterosexual guy out. A lot. It's not normal.
After a while, apparently, the Senator edges his foot towards the cop. Again, if that's me in the stall, I'm going to snap off a piece of the grey wall next to me and hack off your foot with my new improvised axe of twisted steel. I'm not a homophobe, but nobody plays footsie while doing numero dos. I think most homosexual guys wouldn't enjoy trying to do their business while someone pokes their foot, either. But then again, I guess at this point, footsie (and #2) isn't what the Esteemed Senator wanted.
 Undaunted by the fact that this guy in the next stall hadn't ... um ... done whatever he wanted the cop to do ... (aarrgh not a happy mental image) ... he started flashing bling! Yeah, that giant gold ring might've distracted from your gnarled, wrinkled, spotted, 62-year-old old hands. Sexy.
I just looked up how old he was. He has my same birthday. Hooray. Seppuku time!
My favorite is how the arrest went down, though:
Karsnia then held his police identification down by the floor so that Craig could see it. “With my left hand near the floor, I pointed towards the exit. Craig responded, ‘No!’ I again pointed towards the exit. Craig exited the stall with his roller bags without flushing the toilet. ... Craig said he would not go. I told Craig that he was under arrest, he had to go, and that I didn’t want to make a scene. Craig then left the restroom.” After they're outside, in the interview (it's not clear in the article how much time had passed), the Senator shows him his Senatorial card and says, "What do you think about that?"
Senator, you are a big, fat bastard and a hypocrite. That's what I think.
Of course, the whole thing was hastily and badly explained as a he said/he said misunderstanding, but you know what? That's why I took the time to go through all the extremely creepy and thoroughly abnormal behavior that was outlined by the officer.
I just can't wait to get my friends' response about the Gay Old Party per-capita...
(b-day from Wiki,Labels: gays, idiots, poltics, rant, sex |
| posted by Steve @ 6:03 PM |
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| Thursday, November 03, 2005 |
| Random Thought no. 11: About college girls |
If you want long hot nights, conversations and good times there's a certain kind of college girl you might be looking for.
Screw Greeks.
Go geek.
Related: Revenge of the Nerds was totally right about what geeks think about.
 | Currently listening :
Angels of the Silences
By Counting Crows  |
Labels: college, sex |
| posted by Steve @ 1:50 AM |
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| Monday, September 19, 2005 |
| True Story no. 4: A Sleaze moment with Steve |
From about 1999 to 2002, I worked at a smoothie and sandwich place for a couple years called Caribbean Squeezer's. It was run completely by college students with the exception of the owner-slash-boss, Jeff. As such, shifts changed constantly. I was a very senior staff member there by mid-2001, and was a single, available guy.
At this time, a girl I liked at the time came in towards the end of my shift. She was at the stage where she thought I liked her, but was still doing that whole "I might be interested but I'm not letting on" thing.
Since the schedule was always changing, she asked, "when do you get off?"
"All the time, baby. All the time."
She looked like a deer in headlights, but my co-workers were laughing hysterically. Er, I did not date said girl... But it was totally worth it.
 | Currently listening :
Elevator
By Hot Hot Heat |
Labels: joke, memory, random, sex, stories, true, work |
| posted by Steve @ 1:43 AM |
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| Wednesday, September 07, 2005 |
| Frightening thought No. 3: Vagina Dentata |
My wife has enlightened me to the fact that there is a term for the notion of how a vagina could be a mouth .. with teeth. I find this really disturbing. The term is 'vagina dentata'.
We talked just for a bit about how this idea may or may not be as frightening as "the Corinthian" from Neil Gaiman's Sandman graphic novels - he has mouths with sharp teeth instead of eyes, and eats victims' eyes with them. We had this conversation outside as I was on my way to work.
I believe this 'vagina dentata' thing is much scarier because, as I put it: "I am not in the habit of stuffing my penis into other people's eyes."
Just then, I noticed our 10-year-old little girl neighbor peeking over the fence. I think I've just scarred someone for life.
 | Currently listening :
Last Splash
By The Breeders |
Labels: frightening thought, joke, neighbors, sex, true |
| posted by Steve @ 2:33 AM |
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| Wednesday, August 17, 2005 |
| True Story no. 1: Vegans |
In principle, I don't have a problem with most anything as long as it's not obviously negatively affecting me or anything else ... and they don't preach (incidentally, this is why I often dislike overly-religious people and admire my in-laws for being overly-religious and yet non-preachy).
I was once upbraided by a (female) vegan while working at a smoothie/sandwich shop:
"I don't see how it's anything but fucking disgusting to get your milk from another species!" "Have you ever tried to get milk from our species? [pause] Are you volunteering?" I may or may not have been slapped for that. I don't really remember.  | Currently listening :
City of Blinding Lights
By U2 |
Labels: idiots, sex, stories, true, vegans, work |
| posted by Steve @ 4:12 AM |
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| Thursday, August 11, 2005 |
| Frightening Though no.1 |
Nose rapist. And all of the frightening ideas associated with that phrase. It's like a little pyramid scheme of scary thoughts with that phrase at the top and all the other frightening ideas branching off. As so.
I. Nose rapist.
1. Nose dildo
i. I'll never look at nose plugs the same way.
a. I'll never think of plugs, in general, the same way
ii. Ribbed for your pleasure
2 Nose sex
i. Enlarging devices .. for your NOSTRILS.
ii. Would this help a cold?
a. I'll never look people with runny noses the same way ... bodily juices ... ugh.
3. Imagine the social repercussions!
i. Imagine the PSA's that would encourage you to seek help after being nasally raped.
ii. Imagine the porn sites (she's got a huge pair of .... schnozz holes)
a. Schnozz holes orgies = OMFG
... Aaaaaand so on.
 | Currently listening :
Never There, Part 1
By Cake |
Labels: fetish, frightening thought, nose, sex |
| posted by Steve @ 1:24 AM |
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| About Me |
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Name: Steve
Home: Tucson, Arizona, United States
About Me: I like to think about things, and I occasionally like to write what I think.
See my complete profile
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