They have no class.

Labels: communists, joke

As an additional aside, Rachel wants to teach our (future) kids to say, "My spleen!" instead of "ow!" -- figures they'll get more attention that way.

Currently listening : Get Behind Me Satan By The White Stripes Release date: 12:00 AM

Labels: kids, movies, random, spleen

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Lord don't take me while I sleep
cos I'm an athiest
until breakfast
and I've got a job to keep

I'm not old but I'm getting older

Currently listening : In Your Honor By Foo Fighters Release date: 12:00 AM

Labels: anecdote, Impulse Nine, lyrics

1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter, he grew a beard.

4. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

5. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

6. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wise Man. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wise Men, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

7. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger by yelling, "Bang!"

8. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

9. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

10. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer.
This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

11. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

12. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

13. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity", then you are dead wrong.

14. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

15. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.

Currently listening : Sometimes You Can't Make It on Your Own By U2

Labels: Chuck Norris, joke

Today I realised that the closest I've ever come to tripping acid was when I saw Beavis and Butthead Do America's White Zombie sequence in the theaters when it came out. But isn't that close enough?

I heard a 4/4 meter elevator music version of Take 5 by Dave Brubeck in Taco Bell today and am having a hard time not stalking and murdering whoever did it. For those of you who don't know - shame on you - Take 5 was a very famous jazz standard, and one of the only songs commonly played on the radio that is in 5/4 time (that is, it has five beats per measure).

Currently listening : Americano By Roger Clyne & The Peacemakers Release date: 12:00 AM

Labels: caffeine, drugs, jazz, movies, music

Screw Greeks.
Go geek.

Related: Revenge of the Nerds was totally right about what geeks think about.

Currently listening : Angels of the Silences By Counting Crows

Labels: college, sex